- Hello!
Signorine e signore...
Mesdames et messieurs, je regrette infiniment...
- What's all this fuss, Charters? - I don't know.
Meine Damen und Herren, bitte schön...
Danke schön! Danke schön!
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry, the train is little bit up-hold.
And if you wish to stay in my hotel, you are to register immediately.
Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?
Ah!
How do you do, Miss Henderson? Ladies.
It's a great honour to have you here again.
Nice to see you, Boris. You haven't changed since Friday.
- You haven't shaved either. - Is it ready?
- Yes. I've changed nothing. - Not even the sheets!
- Lead on, Boris. - I didn't expect you so soon.
Our legs gave out on us. We had to do the last lap in a farm car.
I see we've got company. Are Cook's running cheap tours here?
- What is it? - It's the avalanche.
- Avalunch? - Avalanche, Boris. Avalanche.
In the Spring, we've got many avalanches.
The snow goes bloop and everything disappear. Even train disappear.
I'm going home tomorrow. When will they dig it up?
By morning, lucky for you. Leave by this train instead of your own.
How you say it? It's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.
Talking of wind, we've not eaten since dawn.
- Supper in our room, please. - I could eat a horse.
Don't give him ideas. Some chicken, Boris, and a magnum of champagne.
Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight, we're painting it red.
Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels.
Third-rate country. What do you expect?
- I wonder who those women were? - Americans, I should think.
Almighty dollar, old man.
We'll have to wait. If only we hadn't missed the train at Budapest.
If you hadn't insisted standing while they sang their national anthem...
You must show respect, Caldicott. If I'd known it would last 20 minutes...
It's my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is not their national anthem.
- And we were the only two standing. - True.
- Well, we should be in time after all. - No, that last report was ghastly -
- "England on the Brink". - That's newspaper sensationalism.
The country's been in tight corners before.
Looks black. Even if we leave first thing, there's the connection at Basle.
- That's true. - Someone surely can help.
Sir, what time does the train leave Basle for England?
- Oh, really?
Fellow doesn't speak English.
'Allo, Alex?
...champagne, Miss Anderson.
- Messieurs, ah. - Vous ìtes...
- Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. ...chambre pour deux...
Here's one leaves Basle, 21:20.
- 21:20? 20, 20, 12 from 21 is... - Yes. 21 from 20...
...11, no, yes it is... ...20 one, two, three, four...
There is only left two single room in front or a little double room at the back.
- We'll take the singles. - Very well, sir, 'ere is it.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
At least you might have asked me.
My dear, a small double room at the back in a place like this.
- You weren't so particular in Paris. - It was quite different.
- The exhibition was at its height. - I realise that now.
There's no need to rub it in.
- We want a private suite. - Facing the mountain.
- With a shower. - Hot and cold.
- And a private thingummy. - The only things left is the maid's room.
- What? - I'm sorry.
- The hotel is jammed to the sky. - But we haven't fixed up yet.
You can't put two of us up in the maid's room.
Don't get excited, I'll remove the maid out.
I should think so. What? What are you talking about?
- I'd sooner sleep on the train. - Would you?
- There is no 'eating in the train. - No eating?
Yes, I mean, ha! Heating. Brrr.
- Oh, heating, no heating. - That's awkward. Oh, we'll take it.
You have to have the maid comes to your room and remove her wardrobe.
Anna!
She's a good girl and I don't want to lose her.
You'd better go and grab it.
- Rather primitive humour. - Grown-up children, you know.
That was an awkward situation over that girl.
- Pity we couldn't have one each. - Hey?
- I mean, er, a room apiece. - Oh.
I, Iris Matilda Henderson, a spinster of no particular parish,
do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly parts
and do declare that on Thursday next, the 26th inst.
Being in my right mind, I shall take the veil and the orange blossom
and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringale.
Get him to change his name instead.
The only thing I like is his moustache.
You're cynics. I'm very fond of him.
I'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down.
Rudolf, give me a hand.
- Have you ever read about love? - It used to be popular.
The carpet is already laid at St George's, Hanover Square.
And father's aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.
To the happy days she's leaving behind.
And the blue-blooded cheque-chaser she's dashing to London to marry.
The blue-blooded cheque-chaser.
I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs,
I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.
What is there left for me but marriage?
This hanging about gets me. If only we knew what was happening in England.
- Mustn't lose grip.
Come in.
- Did you follow that? - I did.
Tell her this has gone far enough.
There is no, er, no change, change here.
- Erm, outside.
- She doesn't understand. - No, come on.
Ow!
- Nothing newer than last month. - I don't suppose there's a wireless set.
Awful being in the dark. Our communications cut off in a crisis.
'Allo, 'allo. London?
You want Mr Seltzer? Yes, j-hold on, I'm going right to find where he is.
London.
Go on, risk it.
Hello. Hello, you, you in London.
No, I'm not Mr Seltzer. Name's Charters. I don't suppose you know me.
You needn't worry. They've just gone to fetch him.
Tell me, what's happening to England?
Blowing a gale? No, you don't follow me, sir.
I'm enquiring about the test match in Manchester.
Cricket, sir, cricket. What, you don't know?
You can't be in England and not know.
- Fellow says he doesn't know. - Silly arse.
Can't you find out? It won't take a second.
All right, if you won't, you won't.
Wasting my time - he's an ignoramus.
At last, your call come through to London.
Hello? Hello, hello?
... London?
- Thank you, waiter.
- How about a grilled steak? - Good idea. Well done for me.
- On the red side for me.
They have a passion for repeating themselves.
- I beg your pardon. - M-hm?
He's trying to explain that, owing to the number of visitors,
- there's no food left. - No food? What sort of place is this?
Expect us to share a blasted dog box with a servant girl on an empty stomach.
Is that hospitality? Is that organisation?
Oh, thank you.
- I'm hungry. - I don't wonder they have revolutions.
You're welcome to what's left of the cheese.
- It's not steak but it's rich in vitamins. - Really? Thank you.
They're not accustomed to catering for so many.
Bandrika is one of Europe's undiscovered corners.
Because there's nothing worth discovering.
You may not know it as well as I do. I'm miserable at the thought of leaving.
- After you with the cheese, please. - Why not. So you're going home?
Tomorrow. My little charges are quite grown up.
I'm a governess and music teacher, you know.
In the six years I've lived here, I've grown to love the country, the mountains...
- They're like friendly neighbours.
The father and mother mountain, with their snow hats,
and their nephews and nieces, not quite so big, with smaller hats,
right down to the tiniest hillock, without any hat at all.
- Of course, that's just my fancy. - Oh, really.
I watch them from my bedroom when there's a moon.
I'm so glad there's a moon tonight.
Do you hear that music?
Everyone sings here. The people are just like happy children,
- with laughter and music in their hearts. - It's not reflected in their politics.
I never think you should judge a country by its politics.
After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?
You'll excuse me if I run away?
- Good night. - Good night.
Queer sort of bird.
A trifle whimsical, I thought.
After six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.
I don't think so, old man. She was very decent about that cheese.
I see she's finished the pickles.
Good night, Iris. Listen. Someone's serenading.
Oh, let him. Nothing'll keep me awake tonight.
Good night, my children.
- What's happening, an earthquake? - That wouldn't account for the music.
What a horrible noise.
- What can they be doing? - I don't know but I'll soon find out.
Hello?
Musical country, this.
Yes, I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside, having to compete with this.
Boris, Miss Henderson speaking.
Someone is playing musical chairs with an elephant.
Move one of them, will you, I want to get some sleep. All right.
- That ought to settle it. - Thank you so much.
Some people have so little consideration which makes life so much more difficult.
Good night. Thank you so much. You'll be going for the train in the morning?
- Yes. - I hope we shall meet again under...
Under quieter circumstances.
- Good night. - Good night.
Miss, please, I'll fix everything.
You'd better.
Hold it. Don't move, don't move.
Er...
- If you please, sir... - Get out.
One, two.
Please, sir, will you kindly stop?
They're all complaining in the hotel, you make too much noise.
- Too much what? - Too much noise.
You dare to call it a noise. The ancient music with which
your peasant ancestors celebrated every wedding.
The dance they danced when your father married your mother.
If you were born in wedlock, which I doubt.
Look at them.
- You're the manager of this...? - Sure I am.
I'm accustomed to squalor. Who's complained?
This young English lady underneath.
You tell the young English lady that I am putting on record,
for the benefit of mankind, one of the lost folk dances of central Europe
- and she does not own this hotel. - Sir, you understand...
Now, one, two.
He said, "Who she think she is, the Queen of Sheba?"
"She think she own the hotel?"
- Can't you get rid of him? - Impossible.
- Are you sure? - I begin to wonder.
I've got an idea. The German lady, she will call him on the telephone.
She will say, "It's my room. I did pay for it. Get out quickly."
- How' s that? - Good enough.
Then shock him with a little... pchh! He'll never forget it as long as long as he live.
Nothing but baseball.
You know, we used to call it rounders.
Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick.
Not a word about cricket.
- Americans got no sense of proportion.
Come in.
Gute Nacht.
I can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy. Lock the door.
- Oh!
Gute Nacht.
Who are you? What do you want?
- Recognise the signature tune? - Will you please get out?
Oh, this is a much better room. Definitely an acceptable room.
What exactly do you think you're doing? Keep away.
Would you hold those for a minute?
Put those back at once.
- Which side do you like to sleep? - Do you want me to throw you out?
In that case, I'll sleep in the middle.
Smart of you to bribe the manager.
Eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush.
You're behaving like a complete cad.
You're perfectly at liberty to sleep in the corridor, if you want to.
- Hello? - Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you.
I'd only tell everyone you invited me here.
When I say everyone, I mean everyone.
I have a powerful voice.
- Come out of there at once. - Not until you bribe the manager
- to restore me to my attic. - Come out!
Hello. Boris?
Look, I was thinking, I might change my mind about that room upstairs if...
Oh, by the way, you might have my things taken upstairs, would you?
You're the most contemptible person I've ever met.
Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
If we get to Basle on time, we'll see the last day of the match.
Hope the weather's like this in Manchester. Perfect wicket for our fellas.
- Isn't it here? - Hurry, Margaret,
or we shan't get a compartment to ourselves.
Does it matter?
There's still time to change your mind.
Send Charles a telegram, tell him he's all washed up.
No, it's too late. This time next week, I shall be a sunburnt offering
on an altar in Hanover Square.
I shan't mind, really.
Oh, good morning.
I can't find my bag.
It's a brown holdall, have you seen... No, of course not. Thank you.
I gave it to the porter...
Oh, she dropped her glasses.
- You dropped your glasses. - Thank you.
- Oh! - Oh dear, oh dear, oh, dear.
- Oh, my dear. - Darling, are you hurt?
I don't know. What was it?
This cockeyed station has brained my friend!
- What are you going to do about it?
He won't hold the train.
- Hurry up, it's going.
- I'll be all right. - Are you sure?
Be careful. Don't worry. I'll look after her. Such cads.
You sure you're all right?
- Send us a copy of the Times. - Write and tell us all about it. Good luck.
Look after yourself.
There, there. You'll be all right in a minute. Just take everything quietly.
Put some of this eau de Cologne on your head.
- Do you feel any better? - Yes, thank you. I'm all right now.
What you need is a good, strong cup of tea.
- I'll ring for the attendant. - No, no.
- I'll go to the dining car. I need some air. - I'll come with you.
- If you don't mind, that is. - No, of course not.
Oh, I, I beg your pardon. I'm so sorry.
You can always tell a honeymoon couple, you know. They're so shy.
- Why do that? - We don't want people staring.
You think the whole legal profession is dogging you.
- One would be enough. - You thought that beggar was a lawyer.
His face was distinguished enough for a judge.
- You hurried in the opposite direction. - I was looking for a street.
- You weren't so careful at first. - I know, I know.
As for you meeting someone you know, what about me?
Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother.
If one's feeling shaky, it's best to sit in the middle of the coach.
Preferably facing the engine.
- A pot of tea for two, please. - Very good.
Oh, and just a minute.
Will you please tell them to make it from this? I don't drink any other.
And make absolutely sure that the water is really boiling. You understand?
It's a fad of mine. My father and mother, who, I'm thankful to say,
are still alive, and enjoying good health, invariably drink it.
And so, I follow their footsteps. Do you know, a million Mexicans drink it?
That's what it says on the packet.
It's kind of you to help me. We haven't introduced ourselves.
I'm Iris Henderson, I'm going home to be married.
- How exciting. I do hope you'll be happy. - Thank you.
You'll have children? They make such a difference.
I think it's being with kiddies that's made me, if I may say so, young for my age.
- I'm a governess. My name's Froy.
- Did you say Flora?
- Froy. - I'm sorry, I can't hear.
Froy. It rhymes with joy.
Thank you. Please reserve two places for lunch.
- If you care to have it with me? - Of course.
Nothing moot about it, it wasn't out.
But for the umpire's blunder, he'd still be batting.
- What do you mean? - I'll show you.
I saw the whole thing.
Now then, there's Hammond, there's the bowler, there's the umpire.
- Sugar? - Two, please.
Dear me, there is no sugar.
Watch this very carefully, Caldicott. Grimmet was bowling.
May I trouble you for the sugar, please?
- What? - The sugar, please.
Thank you so much.
If I were you, I'd try and get a little sleep. It'll make you feel well.
There's an intriguing acrostic in The Needlewoman.
I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.
Reservations for lunch, please.
- Madam has booked for lunch? - My friend did, she's got the ticket.
- Have you seen my friend? - No?
Erm, my friend, where is she?
La signora inglese, the English lady, where is she?
- There has been no English lady here. - What?
- There has been no English lady here. - There has. She sat there, in the corner.
You saw her, you spoke to her. She sat next to you.
She took me to the dining car and came back here with me.
You went and came back alone.
I mean the lady who looked after me when I was knocked out.
Ah, perhaps it make-a you forget, eh?
I may be very dense, but if this is a joke, I'm afraid I don't see the point.
- Steward, you served me tea. - Yes, madam.
- Have you seen the lady I was with? - But madam was alone.
- Pardon, he make mistake. - He must remember the English lady.
- She paid for the tea. - It is you who paid.
- He say to look at the bill.
- She gave you a special packet of tea. - The tea was ours, I receive no packet.
- But you did. - Pardon, madam, the bill.
- Er, tea for one. - But that's not right.
Perhaps madam would examine the bills?
No, the whole thing's too absurd.
Please, have you seen a lady pass through...? Oh.
Well, if it isn't old stinker.
If I thought you'd be on this train, I'd have stayed in the hotel.
- Er, lady, no, why? - Doesn't matter.
You probably wouldn't recognise one anyway.
Hello? Feeling queer? It's that pipe of yours.
Why don't you throw your old socks away? Thanks for the help.
- Come on, sit down, what's the trouble? - Something fell on my head.
- When, infancy? - At the station.
- Bad luck. Can I help? - Only by going away.
No. My father taught me, never desert a lady in trouble.
He went as far as marrying mother.
- Did you see a lady last night in tweeds? - I saw one lady, hardly in tweeds.
- She was in my compartment. - She must be still on the train.
- Of course. I know that. - All right. Nobody said she isn't.
- That's just what they are saying. - Who?
The people in the compartment and the stewards.
- All of them? - All of them.
- You said you got a knock on the head? - What do you mean?
- Never mind. Do you talk the lingo? - No.
They probably thought you wanted money.
Let's knock the idea out of their heads. Unfortunate remark, I beg your pardon.
That's one of them, the little dark man.
I say, there's been a misunderstanding. This lady has lost her friend.
I have heard. This gentleman has been explaining to me. Most interesting.
- I think we shall all introduce ourselves. - I am Italian citizen.
- My wife and child. - How do you do. Bonny chap, how old?
1934. And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Attorna.
Yes. I met her husband at the folk dance festival. Minister of Propaganda.
I am Dr Egon Hartz of Prague. You may have heard of me.
- The brain specialist? - The same.
You flew to England and operated on a cabinet minister.
- Yes. - Did you find anything?
- A slight cerebral contusion. - Better than nothing.
I am picking up a more complicated case at the next station.
I shall operate at the hospital tonight. A cranial fracture with compression.
- You understand? - Yes, a wallop on the beam.
- You haven't seen my friend? - No.
I'll just take a word with the baroness.
- Scusi, avete visto la signora? - No. Non I'ha vista.
- What do they say? - They've never seen her.
- But she was sitting where you are. - Can you describe her?
It's a bit difficult. She was sort of ordinary.
- What was she wearing? - Tweeds. Oatmeal, flecks of brown,
a three-quarter coat with patch pockets, a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes,
a tussore shirt and a small, blue handkerchief in her breast pocket.
- I can't remember any more. - You weren't paying attention!
- You both went to tea? - Yes.
- Surely you met somebody? - I suppose we did, but...
Wait, let me think. There was an Englishman who passed the sugar.
- Right. Let's go and dig him out. - I come with you. This is interesting.
We don't like people muscling in but we'll make you a member.
Wait, Miss Froy stumbled into this compartment.
There was a tall gentleman and a lady.
If we can find someone who saw her, we'll search the place.
- Can I be of assistance? - That's him.
Do you remember seeing this lady pass here with a little English woman?
I'm, er, I'm afraid not.
But you must have. She almost fell into your compartment.
It's very important. Everybody's saying she wasn't on the train but I know she is.
I'm going to find her, even if I have to stop the train to do it.
I say, Caldicott, this is Charters, can I come in?
That girl we saw at the hotel is kicking up a devil of a fuss.
- Says she's lost her friend. - She hasn't been in here.
- She threatens to stop the train. - Oh, Lord.
If we miss our connection, we won't make Manchester in time.
- This is serious. - Let's hide in here.
I haven't the faintest recollection. You must be making a mistake.
He obviously doesn't remember.
Let's go and look for the other fellow.
Who were you talking to, outside?
Oh, nobody. Just, er, some people in the corridor, arguing.
- There he is. That's the man. - Oh, I wonder if I could bother you?
- I wonder if you can help? - How?
I was having tea with an English lady. You saw her?
- I don't know, I was talking to my friend. - Indubitably.
She turned and borrowed the sugar.
- You must remember. - I recall passing the sugar.
- Then you saw her? - We were discussing cricket.
I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget.
If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to say.
Come, Caldicott. Thing like cricket!
We should have said we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
- There must be some explanation. - There is.
Please forgive me, but I have known cases where a sudden shock or blow
- has induced a most vivid impression. - I understand.
- You don't believe me. - It's not a question of belief.
Even a concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.
But I can remember every little detail. Her name, Miss Froy, everything.
So interesting. If one had time, one could trace the cause of the hallucination.
- Hallucination? - Precisely.
There is no Miss Froy, merely a vivid, subjective image.
- I met her at the hotel. - You thought you did.
- But what about the name? - Some past association,
an advertisement or a character in a novel, subconsciously remembered.
There is no reason to be frightened, if you are quiet and relax.
Thank you very much.
If you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard. Excuse me.
Most interesting.
- Stopping. - This is the first stop, isn't it?
- Mm-hm. - Miss Froy must still be on the train.
Look out of this window and see if she gets off. I'll take the other.
Most interesting.
- What was she wearing, Scotch tweeds? - Oatmeal tweeds.
I knew it had something to do with porridge.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
- Eric? - I-I beg your pardon. I wasn't listening.
- How long does it take to get a divorce? - That depends. Why?
I was wondering whether we could take our honeymoon next spring.
- I mean, the official one. - The difficulties are considerable.
The courts are very crowded just now.
Although we barristers ought not to complain about that.
With conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are rosy.
That is, if nothing untoward occurs.
Such as you being mixed up in a divorce case.
Yes.
In that first careless rapture, you didn't care what happened.
The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above suspicion.
Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?
Now I know why you've been running around like a scared rabbit.
- Why you lied a few minutes ago. - I lied?
Yes, to those people in the corridor. I heard every word you said.
I didn't wish to be mixed up in any inquiry.
Inquiry! Just because a little woman can't be found.
If the woman had disappeared and I'd admitted having seen her,
we might become vital witnesses.
My name might appear in the papers, coupled with yours.
A scandal like that might lead anywhere.
- Anywhere. - Yes.
I suppose it might.
- Nobody? - Nobody.
All that came out was two bits of orange peel and a paper bag.
I know there's a Miss Froy. She's real.
That's what you say but nobody else has seen her.
I saw her, I think.
You did?
- A little woman in tweeds. - With a scarf?
- I saw her with you when you passed. - I knew I was right.
- Your husband said he hadn't seen her. - He didn't notice but I remembered.
You win. This calls for action. Would you make a statement?
- Of course, if it helps. - Pardon, my patient has just arrived.
We've some news. This lady saw Miss Froy.
- We shall have the train searched. - You need a fresh theory.
My theory was a good one. The facts were misleading.
- I hope you find your friend. Excuse me. - I'll be in here.
Right you are. Come along.
Eric.
I told that girl that I'd seen her friend.
- Have you taken leave of your senses? - On the contrary. I've come to them.
- What do you mean? - If there's scandal, there'd be a divorce.
You couldn't let me down. You'd do the decent thing,
- as reluctantly as only you know how. - You forget one thing, Margaret.
Your husband would divorce you but my wife will never divorce me.
I tell you, we're going to search the train.
Ah, signorina... Your friend, she come back.
- Come back? - Sí, sí.
- But what happened? - You go see. She tell you. Scusi.
Thanks. All right, relax, the crisis is over. Let's join the lady.
- Here we are. - Miss Froy.